


Ohana means staying

by Crazy_little_witch



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e02 Ohana (Family), Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 05:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16737652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_little_witch/pseuds/Crazy_little_witch
Summary: “But more than anything I have… I have regrets.”His father’s words haunt Steve. They make him wonder and doubt whether the taskforce and their personal sacrifices are worth it.A much needed talk with Danny leads Steve to the realization that this work might just be what he needs. Because they’re not only the Governor’s taskforce. They are ohana.





	Ohana means staying

**Author's Note:**

> This show and its characters belong to others, the mistakes are all mine. No money is made out of this, it's just something I needed after rewatching S1E2. 
> 
> Now I can go back to editing the second chapter of “You feel like home to me.” A fic I thought about combining with this, but ultimately decided against.
> 
> I love all kudos and comments, they spur me on. And give me a slight addiction to hitting the update-button to check whether I got any new feedback… But I guess there are more unhealthy addictions I could fall victim to… right?
> 
> Thanks for reading! Enjoy, you lovely readers!

„But more than anything I have… i have regrets.“

His father‘s words had hit a nerve. Of course, viewed objectively, he had known it must have been hard for the man to send his children away so shortly after his wife‘s death. But on some level Steve had always had this lingering feeling of betrayal. 

Hearing his father’s voice brittle and tremulous… it had shook him. And he had a hard time during the day to not sink back into the memories that had threatened to overwhelm him. He’d needed all his training to compartmentalize his feelings to be able to focus on Roland Lowry and his son.

Not that seeing another father who put his work first had helped much. Steve didn’t like to admit it, but yeah, Danny probably had been right in the car. He had made it personal today. And he knew doing so, could get pretty dangerous, pretty fast. But he also knew himself. Not getting personally involved would mean loosing another part of his soul. And he wasn’t sure how much was left of that poor battered thing.

When Zankovic’ questioning was done, Steve was exhausted. After the emotional rollercoaster of the day, he simply didn’t have it in him to go home alone. And so he decided to invite the team over for a BBQ at the beach, instead of crawling into bed after too much beer and a desperate call to Cath. 

At it was a great evening. They celebrated another successfully closed case and toasted to Kono’s graduation. But Steve’s heart wasn’t into it. And it sank even deeper, when Danny kept glancing at him with a concerned look in his eyes. He knew the Detective had something to say and was afraid he wouldn’t like what he was about to hear.

When it all got too much, Steve fled into his kitchen. Vaguely mumbling something about more beer, before backing inside his house. Sighing in relief. He put some plates on the table, before turning to the window. He watched them, hidden in the shadows and wondered what life had got in store for them. 

Of course he had their files. Danny had been no surprise. The man had already talked so much about himself and his daughter, about how much he hated his life in Hawaii, that it hadn’t surprised Steve to read about the man’s problems at the precinct. The mainlander was the outsider, the haole. And he simply didn’t care whether he upset someone or not.

And Chin? He remembered his father’s ex-partner well. Chin had been a happy man and according to his file he’d been happy with his life, before everything went down. He had been accused of being corrupt and although there hadn’t been proof, the fact Chin had plead guilty, had been enough, despite the lingering doubts. After that his fiancée had broken up with him, his family and friends turned away from him, and the man Steve remembered was gone. Oh, he still seemed content with himself, relaxed, but underneath there was sadness.

And Kono, sweet and innocent Kono… Steve saw her laughing at something Danny said, throwing her head back, sending her hair flying. She wasn’t even done with her training, but her life had already been threatened. Not once, but twice.

“I have regrets...” Steve banged his head against the wall. God, this had to stop… He had enough nightmares, he didn’t need his old man’s voice in his head on top of the other shit already in it. His eyes were drawn back to the enigma that was his new partner.

This man who had lost his wife and his daughter to another man due to the dangers of his work. Due to his dedication to the one thing he was good at. A work he did to make the world a safer place for his daughter. He’d uprooted himself for her and moved to the other end of the country, in the very state he hated everything about. And still,… there was so much passion, empathy.

“I have regrets...” Did they, he wondered. Right now the sacrifices and compromises might seem to be worth it. But would, no, could this last? At what point would it get too much. Which prize would be too high? Would they stop before they lost what they had fought for?

The sound of soft steps and the feeling of being watched brought him out of his brooding. Without turning around, he knew it had to be Danny. The other two knew better than go looking for him, when he was in a mood. Danny as well had avoided him since their earlier argument, but seeing the blonde hadn’t yet bolted from the kitchen, Steve assumed now was the time for another talk.

The tension was almost palpable and although he knew what Danny was going to say, he tried desperately to think about a way to persuade the cop to stay with… the taskforce. He couldn’t think of anything and if he was honest with himself, although he knew Danny and him could do a fantastic job together, Danny had to believe this as well and if he couldn’t…

“Steve...” Danny sounded hesitant and Steve hated it immediately. It just wasn’t natural for the other man, who always seemed so confident in everything he did. “Danny.” He turned away from the window and the sight of their laughing team members. His father had taught him to not shy away from confrontations and he wouldn’t start tonight. No matter how hard it would be to watch Danny leave… the team.

“Danny, listen. I know what you’re going to say. And...” he swallowed hard. “If you’re sure, than I think, it’s the right decision.” The words seemed to stop the shorter man cold and a look of confusion flickered over his face. “Uh,… that’s a first, I guess. Shall I go and mark it in the calendar?” Steve’s voice was taut, when he answered. Did everything with Danny have to end in snark?

“I just tell you it’s ok if you want to leave us hanging and you just…” Ok, maybe he was mad. “What’s wrong with you, mate?” Confusion turned to understanding, then amusement. And Steve just couldn’t stand it. Turning around he reached for some dirty plates and began to do the dishes. Just keep moving, McGarett. If you keep busy, you at least can’t do anything else stupid. Like reaching out to Danny and beg him not to go, should the man indeed decide to leave. The silence behind him, had him swinging the sponge even more vigorous than before.

But he hadn’t counted on Danny surprising him once again. Danny, who suddenly stood beside him. Danny, who took the plate, Steve had been scrubbing for a few minutes now, from him with gentle fingers. Danny, who dried Steve’s hands off and led him to the table, so both could sit down.

“Babe, I need you to tell me, what you think is happening here. Because me? Not leaving. Promise.” Steve felt hope stir in him. Was this a dream? He didn’t dare to look Danny in the eyes, afraid of what he’d see there. So, instead, he watched the cops calloused fingers moving, stroking, until he lost himself in the patterns Danny wove and felt himself relax.

Steve wondered where Danny had learned this. His ability to put people, scarred, broken people, so easily at rest, contradicted his usually brittle attitude. But it worked, and suddenly the words came easier. “I thought… you were avoiding me the whole day and I just thought… you’d leave m… us, the taskforce I mean. Because you can’t cope with my methods. Because it’s too much, too dangerous.” Because… “Everybody leaves, Danno. Maybe not at first, but in the end? I’m always alone.” 

Steve’s mouth snapped shut. He hadn’t meant to say that last part. He blushed, furiously. The SEAL had to fight every instinct to not just jump to his feet and hide, because he fucking didn’t do feelings. Like never. But here he sat and talked about them to his new partner he didn’t even know that well and…

“I promise you, I am not about to leave, Steve.” The feather-like touches continued to his wrists and forearms, circular movements that radiated a calm, Steve began to seep deep down into his bones. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, something’s seriously wrong with you, mate. But that’s not enough to make me leave.”

Danny smiled distractedly. “I told you before, you’re my best chance to make this island make a safer place for Grace. But Steve,...” lifting one hand up to gently push Steve’s chin up with his fingertips and force the brunet to look at him, he continued. 

“… that’s no longer my only reason to stay. You said it yourself, babe. We’re… what did you call it… ohana, family. I don’t know how you grew up, but back in Jersey? Family stays together. No matter how bad the times are.” Steve knew he was paling. Suddenly he felt cold, and a shiver ran down his back. Danny didn’t know, he remembered himself, he didn’t mean it. He withdraw his hands from Danny and stood up. He needed to move, to do anything.

“Family doesn’t mean you’re the only one responsible, Steven. We take care of you as well.” And god, could Danny just stop talking for a moment? It was too much, he couldn’t… “You see me as part of your family?” His body needed an outlet for the pressure building inside him, and with seeing Danny leaning back in sudden understanding, it had finally found it. Tears were welling up in Steve’s eyes and running down his face, overriding all remaining controls.

Standing in the middle of his kitchen, he was helpless against the old feeling of loss and betrayal. Being sent away by the man who should’ve stayed with them, who should’ve loved them… And then, years later, to learn that the very act of doing so had broken his father as well, made Steve realize how much he regretted to never have forced the older man to reveal his reasons.

Of course, they had talked to each other from time to time, but he’d buried his anger deep inside his heart, had built walls around him that had only grown stronger over the years and had let the resentment simmer under the surface. Now, in the very kitchen, that hold so many fond memories of his childhood, he stood alone, his head bowed, drowning in guilt above his father’s early death.

Though,… he wasn’t alone, was he? Not anymore. With red eyes and a tear-streaked face he looked up to his partner. Danny had watched him in silence, waiting patiently until Steve was ready. By the time their eyes met, Danny had stood up, made the few steps over to where Steve stood and pulled him into a bone-crashing hug.

It felt good. After years with the NAVY and always feeling uprooted, he finally got the sense of arriving… of coming home. And had anyone told him, it needed a loud-mouthed sassy New Jersey Cop to make him miss what he’d never felt he lost, he’d have laughed at them.

After long moments with his arms still around the shorter man and his head buried in the other’s shoulder, Steve awkwardly cleared his throat and stepped away. “You ok?” He hesitantly nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine...” He was rewarded with Danny’s lifted eye brows and a shy smile tugged at his lips. “Ok, I WILL be fine.” A thought had come to his mind and he decided to take the first leap of faith in this partnership.

“I have to show you something.” He didn’t wait to see whether Danny followed him to his father’s study. He knew Danny would help him, instead of betraying the little trust that had grown between them. He put his father’s toolbox on the desk and opened it, the contents for Danny to see.

Together they listened to the record he found this morning. His father’s voice rang through the silence, once again breaking Steve’s heart with each little word. The words had burned themselves into his heart and instead of listening, he observed the man that was sitting in front of him. He wondered what Danny would’ve done in the same situation. He’d never felt this open to another human being, not even Cath.

She knew the man he had become during his time with Naval Intelligence, had witnessed how he changed after joining the SEALs. But Danny? He had put his heart on a silver plate for the other man to judge it. He’d shown him the scared 16 years old boy who didn’t understand what happened to his family, trusting not to get hurt. Again.

When the record ended, the silence roared in his ears. Danny leaned back and stared out of the nearby window. Processing what he’d just learned. “He never figured it out, did he? Whatever this thing was he worked on... He never brought you back home.” Steve swallowed, hard. “No. I was sent to the Academy, after that I never came back to Hawaii.” Not home, this hadn’t been his home for over a decade.

He knew, Danny understood, when the other man faced him, a single tear running down his cheek, one hand in front of his mouth. “That’s… I’m sorry, Steve. I truly am sorry, for the boy you’ve been.” And there was his answer. And he felt just the tiniest glimpse of guilt at the wish, his father could’ve been a little bit more like Danny.

Wrung out by his inner turmoil, he put the recorder back in the box and closed it with a final snap. “Let’s go back out, before Kono comes looking for us.” There had been enough emotions for one evening. He wiped over his face with both hands, hoping nothing would betray what they’d talked about. Danny snorted. “Yeah, she’d have a field day, with us sitting in the dark and having a heart-to-heart all by our own.” Steve laughed at this image. And his heart felt lighter.

They’d made a huge step towards the friendship, which’s potential Steve’d felt from the beginning. Something had changed tonight. He grasped Danny’s arm, before they went outside again. “I want this partnership, Danny. This friendship. I can’t promise to always behave like you’d want me to. I still won’t stop driving your car or waiting for backup. But,” he tightened his grip slightly, trying to underline how deep-felt his words were, “I can promise you to hold nothing back, to be honest with you and disclose everything as long as I’m allowed to do so.”

The Jersey cop listened intently. After a moment, Danny mimicked Steve’s own reaction from earlier and nodded. “Okay.” He padded Steve on his shoulder and stepped out of the door on the lanai, grapping his beer he’d put on the table. “I mean, after all, someone has to keep you and our baby-SEAL in line. Can’t do that, when I’m out. You two would be the undoing of this whole state.” With this Danny sauntered down the beach, seemingly totally at ease with his new life.

Trailing behind, Steve watched his new team and smiled. This could actually work. This job would take its toll on them, it would get rocky in the future, but he hoped together they would be able to held the regrettable decisions at bay.

Together. As a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Starting with this, I thought this would be a drabble with less than 500 words and then all these feelings happened. 
> 
> I mean, they all made decisions they might come to regret someday, right? Decisions that seem right at the moment, but might change along the way. And I wondered, how Steve would react to this. Because he must've read their files by that point of time. They talked, they know each other's stories, more or less... So, knowing he sees them as his family, would he really send them into this new life without thinking about it? Especially after listening to the record of his father?
> 
> Or maybe I just thought way too long about this :-)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
